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So yeah, here I am. It's been a while, but people haven't been sucking in new and different ways for the most part...until now.

So, naturally, I'm at work, eating malted milk balls, minding my own business, when I get the following call. For the record, it was for a tire company, so I will refer to the caller as "Asshole Tire Dude" or ATD for short.

Me: Answering service for Random Tire Company
Asshole Tire Dude: Hi, this is Dick from Some Trucking Service and I have a driver that needs a tire.
Me: Okay, no problem. I need some information first. Could I get your phone number?
ATD: Sure it's 1-800-555-1234.
Me: Okay thanks. Now, what kind of tire is it? What size?
ATD: A LoPro 22.5.
Me: All right. Which tire on the truck is it?
ATD: Oh, I don't know. I didn't ask. I'd have to call the driver back to find out.
Me: Well, is he off the highway completely or on the shoulder?
ATD: Oh, off the highway.
Me: Then it doesn't matter that much. So, uh, where is the truck located?
ATD: Exit 5 at the old Truck Stop.
Me: Which exit 5?
ATD: What do you mean, which exit 5?
Me: Sir, I have a state route and 3 interstates running through this town. Most of them have an exit 5 somewhwere, so I need to know where your driver is exactly.
ATD: He's off exit at the old Truck Stop. I don't know more than that.
Me: Well, can you call your driver and call me back with the information? I can't dispatch this call without knowing where the driver is.
ATD: No, but I will call my driver and call someone else who actually wants to help me!
Me: Sir, it's not that I don't want to help you, but...(he hangs up right here.)

WHAT THE FUCK??? At any point did I say that I wasn't going to help? Did I EVER mention that I had no intention to help? No, I simply said that I needed certain information to dispatch the call, that's all. I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE LIKE THIS!!

But wait!! THERE'S MORE!!

ATD did end up calling back...on a DIFFERENT tire company that I answer for! Here's THAT conversation!

Me: Answering service for Another Tire Company.
ATD: Hi, this is Dick from Some Trucking Service and I have a driver that needs a tire changed.
Me: (grinding my teeth) Okay, let me get some information first. What's your call back number?
ATD: 1-800-555-1234
Me: Okay, and the tire size?
ATD: LoPro 22.5
Me: Got it. Which tire on the truck is it?
ATD: I'm not sure, I didn't ask.
Me: That's okay. And where is the truck located?
ATD: Exit 5 off I-123 about 1/2 mile north of the toll road at the old Truck Stop. (OMFG WAS THAT SO HARD TO FIND OUT??)
Me: Okay thanks. Now, just so you know, this is the same person you spoke to for Some Tire Company, and I want you to know that I wasn't trying to be unhelpful or that I didn't want to help you. But if I don't know where your driver is, I can't dispatch the on call technician. Had you given me the same answer on this account, I would have said the same thing, that I can't dispatch without your driver's location. It's the same for Other Tire Company, that I also answer for. I have rules I have to follow on each call or I can't even dispatch it. I can't just send a guy out to drive all over the greater My City area looking for your guy. Do you understand?
ATD: Yeah.
Me: Fine. I'll put you through to my on call tech. Just remember the info we'll need for future reference.

So, I patched him to my on call guy, told him what had happened and ended with "So yeah, if this dude has anything to say about me, then yeah, I probably did that." The on call guy just laughed and said "Okay, but if he's the asshole you're making him sound like, I don't blame ya."

So, here we have reason number whatever (I lost count) why people suck: I don't ask these questions for my health, ya know. I really need the info!!



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